1
David Pearlstein, a.k.a. Maria Cortez, had a terrible time dealing with life after the meeting with Michael Pearlstein. He had just turned three and he was confused to the point of exhaustion. He didn’t understand all the things that Michael had tried to tell him. All that mattered were their secrets. Only Michael knew that Maria was really a boy named David. And David promised that he would never tell any more things about David Pearlstein to anyone before he talked with Michael.
Michael knew immediately from their meeting that Maria Cortez was the reincarnation of his father. He never before believed in such things. He was brought up Jewish by a devout Rabbi. There was no place in Jewish teachings for such a preposterous notion as reincarnation. Perhaps it was because they were father and son, or perhaps because of some divine intervention, but there was positively no doubt in Michael’s mind.
Dealing with all this was just as much a problem for Michael as it was for David. Instinctively he knew that David would eventually understand the truth about his prior life. And he also knew that if Juanita and Corina learned the truth, it could cause enormous problems. Michael was worried about his mother and his brother Eric. Neither of them would be able to deal with this. If it ever got out, it would destroy a lifetime of religious conviction. For Michael himself the entire foundation for his religious beliefs had suddenly collapsed and he found himself questioning the very existence of God.
The worst part of it for Michael was the realization that when his father finally understood the truth, it might destroy him. Michael tried to speculate on how such a devout religious leader, having spent his lifetime teaching others the truth, might feel to learn he was wrong. The only conclusion Michael could come to was that his father’s soul would be shattered.
.....
Michael kept in touch with David on a weekly basis following their meeting. Juanita and Corina told him how depressed and withdrawn Maria had become. To Michael it was understandable, but he couldn’t tell that to them. After about six months of wonderful, warm conversations between them, Michael could sense the change coming over David. It was only a matter of time. Michael looked forward to the time with mixed emotions. He wanted to be able to have his father back, but he dreaded the effect it might have on David.
The phone call came on a Saturday evening. It was from Juanita, and she told him that Maria had demanded that she talk with Michael right away. When they spoke, Michael first made certain that nobody was listening. He then asked if anything was wrong. David began crying and told Michael that he finally understood. Michael told him to speak as cryptically as possible because they mustn’t let Juanita or Corina know the truth. They had a brief conversation that led to Michael taking an immediate trip out to Los Angeles.
.....
Michael arrived Monday evening at the Valdez place and was greeted warmly by both Juanita and Corina. They expressed their sincere concerns over Maria’s behavior and wellbeing. They couldn’t thank Michael enough for taking time out from his busy schedule. They apologized about a dozen times for all the money it must be costing Michael, and told him that his love for Maria was a blessing to them.
Corina explained, “She keeps saying she only wants to talk to Michael. We tried everything, but it gets us nowhere. Maybe you can help.”
“I’ll certainly try,” Michael assured them. “Where is she?”
“I’ll get her,” Juanita said. “She’s in her room. We didn’t tell her when you were arriving.”
Juanita left the room and came back with Maria. The moment she saw Michael she charged toward him and leaped into his arms.
“That’s the happiest I’ve seen her in six months,” Juanita announced.
Michael asked if they could spend some time alone. Juanita and Corina already assumed from the last visit that Michael would want this time alone, and they agreed. Corina led Michael and Maria into the family room so they could have some privacy. As Corina turned to leave, she whispered to Michael, “We’re counting on you. Please work some miracles.”
When they were alone, they sat next to each other and Michael asked, “How are you David?”
“I guess you could call me Dad,” David replied. “But I suppose that David is more appropriate for a little girl under four years old.”
“What happened? Tell me what you know!” Michael pleaded.
“I don’t know where to begin, Michael. Things have been flooding into my brain for so long. It was the most confusing time I can ever remember. None of it made sense. But I waited and it finally came to me, just like you told me it might.”
“What came to you, David?”
“I am your father. At least I used to be. I’m so confused about what’s true and what’s not. The details are only just beginning to come back a little at a time. I still don’t understand for sure, but a few days ago I knew for certain that I used to be Rabbi David Pearlstein.”
Tears were forming in Michael’s eyes. “How could this be?”
“I can remember dying. There are a whole lot of things in between that I still can’t figure out, but I was born again into this Maria Cortez girl.”
“It gives me goose bumps, David.”
“My whole life’s work was for nothing. All my faith is torn asunder. All my beliefs are wrong. I feel a devastation so overwhelming that I can barely speak of it.”
“I haven’t said a word to anyone about this. Mom and Eric would never be able to handle it. I can barely handle it myself.”
“Michael, I have to sort all this out. I feel guilt like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Guilt?” asked Michael in astonishment.
“I committed a sin against God, my son.”
“But I thought you said your faith is gone. How could you talk of sins?”
“To answer this I need some time to collect my thoughts. I contacted you the moment I knew for sure I was reborn. I wish I had more answers for you, but I’m afraid this will take some time.”
Michael reassured him, “You did the right thing contacting me, David. Our secrets must remain between us. You can understand why, can’t you?”
“Now more than ever,” David answered.
“What shall we tell Juanita and Corina?” Michael asked.
David thought about this. “Only that you are an important friend with a unique ability to comfort their sweet Maria.” He smiled and added, “Michael, it is so strange to say this, but I love Juanita and Corina. Juanita is my mother. I am Maria, her daughter. And Corina is also like a mother to me. With all my confusion and fears, I forget that they suffer too. I must try not to hurt them. I love them dearly.”
Michael was weeping uncontrollably. “What a mess!” he exclaimed.
“Michael, your coming here is a blessing to me. Today I realize something that I couldn’t understand yesterday. Above all else, I am Maria Cortez. I have a loving mother in the other room. She and Corina would gladly give their lives to protect me from harm. I am now free to love them back as they love me; unconditionally. You may call me Maria from this point on.”
Michael was practically speechless. “I love you, Maria Cortez.” He hugged her tightly.
Maria pulled back after a moment and looked up into Michael’s eyes. “It still has to be our secret, Michael.”
Michael just nodded through his tears.
2
Maria changed for the better after that second visit from Michael Pearlstein. She still appeared to be a very troubled child, but she became far less withdrawn. She seemed to crave love and attention from her mother and Corina, and she was very demonstrative in her own showing of affection toward them. Juanita and Corina were both convinced that Michael Pearlstein had worked a miracle.
Michael and Maria became best friends. The phone calls between them increased to three or four a week. Michael usually called Maria, but on some occasions she called him. The conversations were always long ones, and Juanita and Corina could always see how cheerful Maria was right afterward.
Michael was working for a large defense electronics contractor in the South Jersey area. In Fall of 1980 they obtained a huge development contract from the Navy. It involved a lot of work at Point Mugu, California, just an hour north of Los Angeles. Michael got himself transferred to that project and it resulted in trips once or twice a month. Michael made certain to visit Maria each time he came out to California. The visits from Michael were wonderful for Maria. Juanita and Corina began to look upon Michael as a surrogate father to Maria, and went out of their way to provide them with as much time alone as possible.
When Maria turned six, she started Kindergarten. She hadn’t gotten out much in her earlier years, and she was very nervous about being away from her mother and Corina. The other children in her class caught her crying on her first day and made fun of her. They called her a baby and a mama’s girl. It positively devastated her. She told her mother she simply couldn’t go back, but Juanita overruled her and insisted that she go.
The ridicule from the other children and the betrayal by her own mother were too much for Maria to handle. She became a problem immediately. She refused to cooperate in school and she became rebellious at home. Then she began to spend all of her time in her room, speaking very seldom to anyone but Michael.
On Michael’s next trip out, he made a special effort to set aside a whole morning for Maria. He arranged the trip so that he would finish up work on Friday afternoon, but not return until Saturday afternoon. Saturday morning he picked up Maria and took her to the park so they could talk freely.
.....
“What’s bothering you, Maria? Why is Kindergarten so upsetting?”
Maria really didn’t want to talk about it, but she knew she couldn’t ignore Michael. “I didn’t expect to be so scared, Michael. I know it seems crazy, but it’s like my old life is fading away in my memory. I’m becoming more and more of a child.”
Michael realized that he and Maria hadn’t spoken much lately about David’s life. He was surprised by what Maria said, but he had mixed emotions about it. “Is that so bad?” he questioned.
“I’m afraid I’ll lose you if I lose David.”
Michael saw the tears welling up in her eyes. “You’re not going to lose me, Maria,” he assured her.
“Yes I will,” she argued.
“Maria, it doesn’t even matter to me any more about David. I’ve grown to love Maria Cortez just for herself. She’s kind and gentle and loving all on her own.” He wiped her eyes with his fingers. “I know that David loves me, but do you think Maria Cortez loves me too?”
She hugged him and buried her face in his chest. “I’m sure that Maria Cortez loves you.” She was silent for a while as he held her head against his chest. Then she added, “I’m really scared, Michael.”
“Maria, it’s perfectly all right to let David go. It might even be the best thing that could happen. I’m here for you and I always will be; no strings attached. I really do love Maria Cortez. And this poor little girl hasn’t had a fair chance to experience the wonder and joy of plain old-fashioned childhood.”
“What are you saying, Michael? I don’t understand.”
“If you never had these memories of David, you would have grown up just like any other child. You’d probably be a lot happier than you are now. That’s not fair. On the other hand, I would never have gotten the chance to know Maria Cortez. Do you follow me so far?”
“I think so,” she said softly.
“Well, we met and we became best friends. It no longer matters if David’s there or not. You have some catching up to do, but you can start to experience life with the same joy as any other child. I promise I’ll always be your best friend, Maria.”
She smiled and hugged Michael even harder.
.....
Michael thought he had given Maria the reassurance she needed. He had been certain that nature was somehow trying to help Maria suppress the memory of David Pearlstein. In his mind, Michael thought Maria needed his approval to let go of David, so he gave her what he thought she needed. He hadn’t lied to her; he really did love her as Maria Cortez. However, Maria showed no improvement, and Michael was baffled.
She managed to get through Kindergarten, probably due entirely to Michael’s ongoing support. During that Summer of 1983, she was facing the prospect of First Grade and she was very frightened. She and Michael talked about it a lot, but nothing seemed to relieve her fear.
In the middle of July, Juanita called Michael and told him that Maria was okay, but she had tried to kill herself by cutting her wrists. Michael was on a plane that very day.
Maria was in the hospital under constant supervision. They were watching for any sign that she might try to harm herself again. She was sedated when Michael arrived at the hospital.
“Hi, Maria,” he greeted.
She was able to speak, but only very softly. “I’m sorry, Michael. It’s just too hard.”
“Tell me why, Maria,” he pleaded. “I thought you were doing just fine.”
“Nobody cares about David,” she told him. “You don’t even care if he goes away.”
The reality hit him immediately. He felt responsible. Maria had thought from their talk in the park that Michael didn’t care about David. He hadn’t understood that David was still such an integral part of her, and David felt that Michael was abandoning him. Michael wondered if he had done any irreparable harm.
“Maria, that’s not true. When we talked in the park, I told you it was all right if David went away. I didn’t say I wanted him to go.”
Maria was obviously confused. “Why is it all right?”
“Try and understand this, Maria. I thought you were scared because you were starting to forget things about your old life. I thought that maybe something was working inside of you trying to help you cope better by making you forget the old life. I don’t want David to go away. I just want you to know that even if he does I’ll always love you.”
Maria looked at Michael with distrust. “Do you want David or not?” she asked.
Now Michael wasn’t sure how to answer. “It’s okay if David’s there. I love David. But it’s also okay if he wants to go away. I love Maria too.”
Maria again asked, “Do you want David or not?”
Michael looked at Maria while he tried to figure out what to say. Then a terrible thought hit him. Maybe she didn’t understand. Maybe she couldn’t! He was certain that her mind had begun blocking out the memory of David. He was sure it was a self-preservation mechanism. What he didn’t understand before is that Maria wasn’t asking for his permission to forget David. She was only asking for his reassurance that it wasn’t David alone that held him to her. He had screwed up royally. He made her believe he wanted David gone.
The real trouble was that he didn’t listen to what she had told him. She had said she was becoming more and more of a child. How did he miss it?
He tried again. “Maria, I love David and you. I would never want anything to happen to either of you.”
She looked at him blankly. That very instant he realized that she didn’t understand, and that she might never understand. He looked at her and for the first time he saw a scared and lonely child with a demon inside that she couldn’t possibly understand.
.....
Maria remained in the hospital for five weeks. She regressed despite the best efforts of Michael and the doctors. Michael was devastated by it. He struggled with himself for weeks trying to decide whether he should dare tell the psychiatrists and psychologists the truth. Before he could come to any kind of decision, it was too late. She regressed to a point where there was no way to communicate with her anyway.
Maria was transferred to a private psychiatric hospital in the area. She spent her days playing with dolls and other simple toys. She made no effort to communicate with others and showed no sign of understanding what others said to her. She took meals quietly and privately. She fed herself, but she would only eat when she was totally alone.
Nobody could predict how long her withdrawal would last or explain why it had happened in the first place. Corina and Juanita visited every day, and Michael visited whenever he could. Corina paid all the bills.
Michael was determined not to give up on her. He hoped in his heart that she would snap out of it one day. He sat for hours with her when he visited. He would fuss over her, bring her presents, brush her hair, and always speak to her with the assumption that she heard and understood every word. To him it was just a simple matter of waiting. That’s the only way he could bring himself to deal with it.
3
The longer Maria remained in this condition, the worse it got for Michael. He was experiencing an internal struggle that was rapidly consuming him. He began to feel that the only thing that could save Maria was immediate psychiatric treatment. If she didn’t get it quickly, Michael feared she might be lost forever. He was also fairly certain that without knowing the true facts, no psychiatrist could ever be able to break through Maria’s shell.
His intuition told him that if his family knew the facts, they would be devastated. He also knew that there were no guarantees that Maria could be helped, even if the truth were known. He spent weeks upon weeks of sleepless nights trying to figure out what he should do.
Then one morning he awoke knowing the answer. He had to help Maria. He decided that he must confide in at least one psychiatrist. He felt that if he handled things right, there would be minimal risk of exposing the secret. At worst, he imagined that Juanita and Corina might ultimately have to know the truth, but that bridge could be crossed when he came to it.
On his next trip out to California, he met with Juanita and Corina to beg their permission for him to work directly with psychiatrists at the hospital. He needed Juanita’s written permission to do so because he had no legal authority to intervene.
“I really believe I might be able to help Maria,” Michael explained. “Our special relationship gives me some insights in the matter.”
Juanita needed some clarification. “Would I be giving up my right to make decisions about Maria?”
“No! Not at all,” Michael assured her. “You can rescind the authority at any time. You’re her mother and you should always be the one that has the ultimate responsibility for her welfare.”
Corina asked, “Why can’t you just work through us? Why do you need special permission?”
Michael was prepared for this question. “Maria confided in me and told me some things that she was very uncomfortable about the two of you knowing. I believe that if Maria can be helped, it will depend on her absolute belief that I didn’t betray those confidences. I need you to trust me on this.”
“That’s a tall order, Michael,” commented Corina. “Do these confidential things have to do with your father?”
“Some do,” he confessed. “But it’s not so much what they were that matters. It’s the simple fact that Maria trusted me with these things. I don’t want her to start coming around and then snap back into oblivion because she finds out I betrayed her confidence.”
Corina turned to Juanita and asked, “Do you want time to think about all this?”
Juanita answered, “We’re getting nowhere at all with Maria the way things are going. Michael has always been there for Maria in the past. There’s no harm in trying, is there?”
Corina took Juanita’s hand. “I agree. Michael may be her best hope.” She turned back to Michael and added, “Tell us what happens now.”
“I really don’t know. I’m going to talk with some people and get this thing started the best I can. I’ll keep you both informed.”
“You’ve worked miracles with Maria in the past, Michael,” said Juanita. “I wish there was some way I could find to thank you for all you’ve done.” Tears poured down her cheeks. “You’re sent by God, I’m certain.”
“Well, I hope that’s true,” Michael replied. “We’ll need God’s help to see Maria through this.”
.....
Michael met with the hospital’s Chief Administrator that afternoon. He explained what he wanted to do and asked if it were possible. One of Michael’s conditions that caused a problem was that he wanted only one single psychiatrist to work with. The hospital routinely used various staff psychologists, therapists and psychiatrists in their treatment of patients. This would be a substantial change in operating procedure.
“I’ve got a proposal for you Dr. Long,” Michael offered. “If you let me talk to a few of your staff psychiatrists, I’ll decide on one that I like, and I’ll tell him or her what I have in mind. If they think it will work, I’ll leave it up to them to try and convince you that the hospital should do it. Does that sound fair?”
Dr. Warren Long had been the hospital’s Chief Administrator for twenty-seven years. He had never heard a proposition like this before. “Mr. Pearlstein, you present me with a unique problem. Normally I would just pay you lip service and escort you out of my office. This idea of yours is simply not financially compatible with the way this hospital runs.” He paused and watched for a reaction from Michael. When he got none, he continued, “But the fact remains that Maria Cortez is an enigma. We can’t get through to her. I’m going to take you up on your offer, young man.”
Michael sighed with relief. “Thank you very much, Dr. Long. How should we begin?”
.....
Michael spoke with two of the staff psychiatrists that afternoon and two more the next morning. It came down to a choice between two that Michael felt could handle it. He ate lunch alone in the hospital cafeteria determined to make a choice. He was very nervous about this and could hardly eat more than half of his tuna sandwich.
He reached his decision and went to tell Dr. Long right after lunch. A private meeting was arranged at 2:00 PM between Michael and Dr. Francine Sullivan. Michael waited impatiently in the hospital lobby. He rehearsed what he would say.
Francine’s voice startled him. “Mr. Pearlstein, what made you choose me?”
“A hunch, Dr. Sullivan,” he answered. “I like to go with my instincts. Please call me Michael.”
“And please call me Francine. So what are these ground rules that you talked about yesterday?” she inquired.
“I’m going to tell you something that will probably make you think I’m crazy. Number one, you have to swear to me that nobody else ever finds out what I’m going to tell you. Number two, if you decide that I’m not crazy, you then decide if you want to handle the case. Number three, if you handle the case, you can’t bring anyone else in on it.”
“How about giving me a tiny little clue first? I don’t want you telling me you’re going to bomb the hospital and expect me to honor a code of silence.”
“Fair enough,” he agreed. “Reincarnation.”
Francine’s eyebrows raised noticeably. “The patient?”
Michael nodded.
Francine asked, “Delusion?”
Michael swallowed hard, took a deep breath and answered, “Not delusion. It’s fact! If you don’t believe in it or can’t handle it, I understand.”
“I’m willing to hear you out, Michael. But first I think I should level with you and tell you I don’t believe in God. If that presents a problem somehow, then you can back down right now. You’ve got my word of honor on the secrecy. It’s up to you if you still want to continue.”
“Just a few questions first, Francine. Do you believe that reincarnation is possible?”
“Yes.”
“If you learned with absolute certainty that the patient is reincarnated, could you really keep the case totally secret?”
“I’m going to be honest with you, Michael. I do believe I could keep it secret, but I’m not able to swear that I’d die to protect the secret.”
Michael laughed out loud. “That’s a fair answer,” he assured her. “Just please look me in the eye and tell me you’ll be able to keep all this inside of you.”
She looked down for a moment. Michael knew she was honestly assessing his request. When she looked back into his eyes he had absolutely no doubt that whatever she said next would be the truth.
“I can handle it. The secret will be safe.”
Michael was relieved. He proceeded to tell Francine the whole story. She asked many questions as they went along. It took almost a full hour to cover all of the main aspects of the story. When Michael was finished, he had even more confidence in Francine than when he began.
“Do you want the case?” he asked.
“Yes. It’s the most wonderful story I’ve ever heard. If this is true and I can help her, then it might just be the greatest achievement in my life.”
Michael smiled at her. “It’s true,” he assured her. “You’ll get to see for yourself. But first you’ll have to convince Dr. Long that the hospital should proceed.”
Francine thought about this. “Without revealing the secrets,” she said to herself out loud. She pondered the issue for a moment, then said, “I think I can do it.”
.....
Michael waited in the lobby for what seemed an eternity. At 5:10 PM, Francine and Dr. Long came out together. They were smiling.
“You may have the pleasure, Dr. Sullivan,” announced Dr. Long.
“Can you guess, Michael?” she asked rhetorically. “I’ve been assigned to handle the case. We’ll re-evaluate in six months.”
Michael jumped to his feet and hugged Francine. Then he let go and said, “Oh, I’m sorry! I’m just so thrilled about this. I don’t know how to thank you both enough.”
“You can thank Dr. Sullivan, Michael,” Dr. Long explained. “Whatever you told her, it certainly convinced her that Maria can be helped. I have the utmost confidence in Dr. Sullivan. I hope this all works out for the best.”
“What happens now?” Michael asked.
“Allow me to excuse myself, please,” begged Dr. Long. “Dr. Sullivan can explain how things will work.” He shook hands with Michael, then turned and left.
Francine explained, “Basically, you and I will telephone-conference several times a week and I’ll work things at this end. I haven’t yet decided how to initially get through to Maria. That’s going to be the first hurdle. Assuming I can get through to her, you may have to play a very active role in her recovery process. There aren’t any textbook methods to follow. We’re going to have to feel our way through the whole process. It looks like it’s just you and me, Michael. I hope it works.”
“It will work,” assured Michael. “It just has to!”
